I made the mistake of opening a couple of old emails today. They were from the darkest time of my life – right at the apex of breaking the cycle of abuse in my family – and ugh! I didn’t read them word for word but I scanned them closely enough to have a flood of memories come rushing back in. After I came to my senses I sat in my car for several minutes during which I reached out to God. Within a short moment He reminded me that I was doing my best during the darkest time of my life and it was part of His design for everything to be failing so terribly – that’s what BREAKING a cycle of abuse is. There’s nothing in my memory more terrible than the complete shattering of my life and nothing more sweet than to come out the other side with the knowledge that God was right there with me through it all – working His designs for the sake of a future that I’m still watching unfold.
Do yourself a favor — don’t reopen the wounds of the past, but if you do? Forgive yourself for not doing better when life couldn’t get any worse.