It would be impossible to convey the depths of sorrow that the longest days of my healing contained. There came a point that I had 2 options for my life: stay entrenched in my family of origin and perish, or break free and go “no contact”. I couldn’t breathe. I could barely get out of bed and my mind swirled with the confusion that comes from gaslighting and victim blaming. In my heart I knew that God had guided my quest to expose my abusers and protect the children in my family – but when the people that you love and trust the most tell you over and over again that you are crazy, that you wanted the sexual abuse and that you were a bad person and Mother……that knowledge is slowly snuffed out.
God never told us to sit and allow others to abuse us. He told us to love our enemies, yes, but He also told us that we have a responsibility to protect the innocent. Sometimes love means building boundaries to keep others from continuing to perpetuate abuse.
“When one has the power……” well, I was given the power. If you are willing, He will pull you from the wreckage of your abusive family. I have experienced this in my own life. I refused to back down. I was determined to protect my children from the evil that existed in my family and God gave me the power to get out and to heal.
It’s been 3, 1/2 years since I had consensual contact with my family of origin. There is a tremendous amount of grief that accompanies the decision to cut family ties. If your resolve is sustained by God and if you’re committed, the pain will take your breath away at the same moment that you can finally breathe. Loss is loss, whether it’s due to death or the loss of a dream, an expectation, a hope…..loss is loss. So what are we to do?
We must pick ourselves up each new day. We must start over again every time that we feel like we can only fall. Just keep trying. Having a bad day is okay, just get back up again and again and again. Each new day is one step closer to the peace and happiness that you are seeking. -Nicole
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